Families and distance ... by choice or not ...
Families that put distance between them ... and not necessarily measured in miles.
Families that put distance between them ... and not necessarily measured in miles.
Yesterday, I wrote about one of the things I learned this past weekend. Today, I want to share another. As I told you, yesterday, my wife’s parents celebrated 50 years of marital bliss (well from the stories I’ve heard – they were not ALL blissful at all – but they persevered and stayed together through it all, anyway). This thread of history is not without many lessons though (too many to list here) but I want to focus on a couple of points from a couple of the situations we saw this past weekend.
The family of my wife’s mother consists of basically two families, the LaLondes and the Verniers. Both families live within 10 miles of each other (except for a couple of them that moved away to Ottawa or that area). For some reason, there was a rift between the two and one avoided the other in organized gatherings (family reunions, weddings, funerals and such). Oh, they would be sure to attend these things, but made sure that they separated themselves from each other. There is no known photographic evidence that the two families were ever at the same place at the same time. The only apparent common denominator was my wife’s mother, Lucille. This quiet woman would hear both sides of the stories without judgment and try to offer mediating wisdom. OF course human nature and pride would not allow any “give” in the tensions between this “2 in one” family. Years pass and the rift continued.
This year, my wife and her brother organized a huge celebration and party in the honour of their parents. Invitations were sent out; RSVPs received; food and decorations prepared and the hall reserved. This had all the makings of a grand event. The mayor of the little village was involved in honouring the couple and all the townfolk offered congratulations and best wished. Except for the realization that we made sure to have a large enough facility to allow the two opposing families to have their space, this was to be a p e r f e c t event. The energy that we all put into the planning and preparation was relentless. Every detail was cussed and discussed. The guest list grew to about 150 people. You can see the results on my facebook page. A Happy and successful event. As the late Paul Harvey, famous radio personality, says… And now – the rest of the story : The last time the Verniers and the LaLondes were together in a photo was over 40 years ago!!! Can you imagine??? 40 years of lost family ties that can never be recovered. Living in the same area and avoiding social contacts with your own family. I live about 2000 miles from my family and so, not speak to them often or as often as I would like to , sometimes, but I could not imagine letting a little “something” drive a wedge between my family for such a long time.
Another story in the same setting …. One of my brother-in-laws expressed that he felt the family has ignored him and (basically) kicked him out of the “inner circle” of the family. He has gone through some tough time and still has issues that tend to lean on the dramatic … but he gets help from their parents and many times we try to involved him in social events. He has made the decision on most occasions to have an excuse to not get involved with these things … and thereby causing the tension and rift, himself. Again (as with the LaLondes and the Verniers) they all live close proximity of each other but only see each other on rare occasions .
My lesson to me and my question to you is: What is the worse divider – distance or attitude? If you are in the same situation, I submit to you to reach out to your family and offer an olive branch of peace and reconciliation. Open your arms to embrace the love of your family. Mend the tears of anger and hurt because I am certain you do not want to wait 40 years and gamble on if you or a loved one will live that long before relationships are mended and love restored.
May God Bless You and Yours
Gene
No comments:
Post a Comment