Fighting the Fear - one more time

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How many times as a kid have you heard/said “just one more time”? I think that is the mantra of a successful life. It is not the successes that come easily but the persistent tries after failings. Mary Pickford, the renown actress once said “Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call "Failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.” In the Rocky movies, Balboa seems to always get knocked down, but at the end, he gets back up and eventually he wins. I know that life is not a move, but the same precepts apply in this case. I have said many times that I am just too stupid to quit. That is sometimes a deficiency, but most if the time, It carries me through to an ultimate decision. My Dad used to work for Southwestern Bell and they “preached” to do something …even if it is wrong, that way you know what NOT to do next time. Using that formula, eventually you will run out of wrong choices and make the good one (in theory – anyway). The key is to keep trying.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall."
~ Confucius

As of this point, I have not reached that successful  level in my life. There are situations that seemingly block my advancement. I do, however have the persistence, willpower, stubbornness, stupidity (you pick the adjective) to try “one more time”.  When I say that I live day by day …that is exactly what I mean. I have to believe that maybe, just maybe, something will happen that will get me through the trials and tribulations of the day and I can face the other ones tomorrow. I would love to be able to travel to and from Texas to visit family and friends, but my situation prevents it  and I must keep searching for a way that I can one day be able to do this. I have finally been gifted with a loving wife, children (of the soul) and grandchildren and I will not give that up willingly. Nor will I intentionally throw it away without a fight.  That is the risk if I attempt to go south. Not that I cannot go south, but the risk of not being able to return to my life here.

Some of you have hinted that you would start a fundraiser to get us to come down for a visit. All I can say to that is that 1) I would LOVE to settle this once and for all and 2) I want you to know that it  would be an uphill fight to raise enough $$ to make this happen. I would never have the audacity or selfish motivations to pursue that avenue of getting the resources for myself to do that.

But in the event I never see the Lone Star State again, I want you all to know that Texas will forever be an integral force in my spirit and values. As for my family friends and former classmates, you are the driving force in my day to day life.

May God Bless You and Yours

Gene